Note: The author used the characters of the program Stargate SG-1 without the permission of the creators, distributers, etc., but she did so with love and care. Any other characters are of her own creation. If you wish to borrow them, you must ask for her permission.
Inner Demons - Sara
Captain Jacinda Anderson's blue eyes filled with tears. She shook her head angrily. "I can't believe this is happening to me now," she muttered to herself as she sat in the park, watching the kids play.
"Is something wrong? You just look like you need someone to talk to." Sara O'Neill's voice was soft and full of concern.
Jaci looked at her. "Still want to talk to me?" she asked bitterly.
"Yes," Sara replied, sitting next to Jaci. "Are you and Jack having problems?"
"No. Nothing normal couples don't have."
"No offense, but you and Jack aren't a normal couple."
"Believe me, I know that," Jaci said with a laugh. In her head, she was thinking, We're more unusual than you think, Sara.
Sara looked at Jaci. "I see what intrigued Jack about you," she said. "I honestly do."
Jaci smiled faintly. "We hated each other at first."
"I don't blame you two. You're both very strong-willed, and Jack hates to lose an argument."
"So do I."
"Plus he was so bitter after Charlie died."
"I know he was." Jaci looked at Sara thoughtfully. "I was bitter for a long time, too."
"You were?"
"Yeah." Jaci nodded. She spoke softly. "My daughter, Natalie, died right around the time Charlie died."
"How'd Natalie die?"
"Car accident. I blame myself sometimes."
"Why?"
"I was driving."
"You can't blame yourself. It was simply your daughter's time."
"I've had this same argument with Jack before. He tells me it wasn't my fault. Deep down, I know he's right. It's just that my ex-husband's blamed me for our daughter's death for so long that I started blaming myself."
Sara thought for a minute. "Can I tell you something?"
"What?"
"The pain does fade. I know it doesn't seem like it will, but it will fade."
"I feel like if I let it fade, I'm forgetting my daughter."
"We never forget our children. The pain will fade, but it will never go away."
Jaci looked down at the ground, gathering her thoughts. "There are days where I miss my daughter so badly I just want to roll over in bed and die."
"There were days where Jack was like that about Charlie."
"To see Jack now, you wouldn't think that," Jaci said softly.
"It's because of you that people wouldn't think that."
"Oh, really?" Jaci asked, her eyebrows arched.
"Yes. Since you two have been involved, he's...healed old wounds, fought his inner demons."
"He's still fighting. There are days where he just wants me to leave him alone." Jaci sighed. "It's so hard for me to do that, because I just want him to be happy and safe."
"Don't try to coddle him. Jack won't take it. He reacts badly."
"I've learned that," Jaci said with a soft laugh. "Believe me, I've learned that."
Sara studied the other woman for a few minutes. "Has Jack opened up to you? I mean, really opened up?"
"He's told me how he felt when Charlie died, he's told me about the shame and guilt spiral he rode until he met me, he's told me how he felt he'd lost you, and he told me how he wished he could have died in Charlie's place. I don't know if that's opening up for Jack, but it's what he told me."
"He never told me half that stuff, and I was his wife," Sara said. "You two must really have a good relationship."
"Oh, we do." Jaci smiled faintly. "It's been a hard road to travel down, but we're making it work."
"Keep trying. It will be a great relationship. I can tell."
"Why are you talking to me, Sara? I know you don't like me. In fact, you hate me."
"I don't hate you. For the longest time, though, I was jealous," Sara confessed. "You had Jack, and I didn't. I was unbelievably jealous."
"Huh." Jaci grinned. "It looks like Louis was right."
"He often is, when you stop and listen to him."
"My niece keeps telling me that, but..." Jaci shrugged, a smile on her face.
Sara studied Jaci. "You're so different from me. You're more Jack's type."
"Hey, now, don't go putting yourself down. You and Jack had something great."
"But we couldn't stick it out. Couldn't make it work."
"That doesn't mean you didn't have something great. All it means is that it simply wasn't meant to be. Take me and my ex-husband, for an example. We had a good relationship until Natalie died. Then, for a year, it was hell. Her death made us realize that we just weren't meant to be together."
Sara looked at Jaci. She's right, Sara. Listen to her. She's making sense. Admit it to yourself.
Sara sighed. "I guess I had some inner demons to fight, too."
"It's a never-ending fight. It's a fight you won't want to make some days. Just hang in there."
They both stood, looking at each other for a while. Finally, the two women in Jack O'Neill's life-one from his past, one from the present-hugged. Jaci whispered, "Sara, if you ever need to talk, ask Jack for my phone number."
"You do the same," Sara replied as she stepped back.
Jaci watched Sara walk away. Her inner demons are gone, she thought. If only mine could be vanquished that easily.
Sara smiled to herself as she walked away. Keep up the fight, Sara, she told herself. It'll be worth it. Your inner demons are gone. Don't let them come back.